Plan B is the new Plan A
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
His hands were made for my vagina.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
