Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
How's work?
Spinning.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize