I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
