i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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