we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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