I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
