he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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