i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
