So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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