Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize