Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
