You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
