His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
