no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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