He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
