oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
