idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
