i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
