make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
