just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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