Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You made out with two different species that night
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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