She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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