you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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