The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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