the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
