Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
