Me too!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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