I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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