you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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