How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
