just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
