i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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