I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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