Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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