im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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