Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
