They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
