He kissed a someone with a penis
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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