So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
