Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
