I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
