??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
lol hangovers are for mortals.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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