Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
