How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
