Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
