i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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