my soul wont recognize me after tonight
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
