No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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