If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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