mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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