Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize