It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
