Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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