when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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