Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize