I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
