Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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