Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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