If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
