Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
