So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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