Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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