The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
