i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Randomize
