your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
