I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
