I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
