if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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