she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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