You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
