sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
