This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sext me about skeletons
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize